ST DAVIDS, PA – Last year the Walt-Onion revealed the shocking news that “Donna MacIntosh” is actually a high-functioning MacIntosh Apple computer. This year a new revelation is upon us: the true identity of Philip Mugridge. It has come to the attention of Eastern University administration that “Philip Mugridge” is […]
Center Spread
The Waltonion: Trump Suspends U.S. Presidential Campaign for EU Presidency
WASHINGTON, DC — At a campaign stop at Eastern University’s Holy Week chapel, GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump announced his plan to run for the Eastern University presidency after suspending his own campaign for the U.S. Presidency. Trump excited students during the hour-long service in which he introduced his new […]
The Waltonion: Eastern Mobilizes Task Force to Remove Rogue Robins
ST. DAVIDS, PA — Robins. These little bundles of feathers have been appearing all over campus since the start of spring. Up until now they have meant us no harm, but recently they have started to fly inside and overpopulate the many buildings on campus. Some of the more shocking […]
EU’s Unsung Hereos: Public Safety/Plant Operations
Public Safety Ryan: I know that the security officers do a lot – you run the shuttle, and I often see officers patrolling campus. Can you tell me more about security’s role? Jim: The shuttle is a big part of it. We get about 100 calls a day, and 60 […]
EU’s Unsung Hereos: Administrative Assistants
If you have ever scheduled an appointment with a professor, or if you have ever had a meeting on the third floor of Walton, you have probably interacted with the administrative assistants. You may know one – or several – of the admin assistants. When you call a department to […]
EU’s Unsung Hereos: Librarians
This place is a place of respite,” Joy Dlugosz, the Librarian for Public Services at Warner Library, says with a small smile. “Students come here for refuge, they come here for peace, they come here to study.” If you’ve walked into EU’s library, Joy’s sentiments ring true – aside from […]
Humans of EU: Faith Edition
Higher Ed: A Year In Review Race, Campus Culture and a Confident Pluralism
Colleges and universities have long been considered hotbeds of social activism, to the exultation of some and the frustration of others. Social movements often find support amidst college students — fledgling civic members who are spending hours upon hours learning to understand America’s history and politics. So it comes as […]
Christian Colleges Grapple with Faithful Politics
Colleges and universities have long been considered hotbeds of social activism, to the exultation of some and the frustration of others. Social movements often find support amidst college students — fledgling civic members who are spending hours upon hours learning to understand America’s history and politics. So it comes as […]
Faith, Reason and Economic Justice
In light of the recent faculty and staff layoffs, recommended by the Organizational Design Task Force and approved by Dr. Duffett, many might be wondering what sort of financial situation our university is really in. Are we really in financial danger? Or in danger of being in danger? Additionally, questions […]