Waltonian Guide to a Cheap (or not) Valentine’s Day Date

Well, young people, it appears it is that time of year again.  Excited?  Nervous?  Detrimentally apathetic?  Excellent, welcome to the magical bridge between adolescence and adulthood.  These are all emotions that build up and implode into a beautiful time full of awkward tension and wasted chocolate.  This day is best known as St. Valentine’s Day, although it has been called Singles Appreciation Day for some.  Chances are that if you are reading this article you are seeking advice on love and need a little bit of help to come up with a date for that special someone (laughs nefariously).  Well, you are in luck my friends, for I happen to be an oracle on love and dates.  Being blessed to be with the same girl for nearly 53 months, I’ll have you know that I understand your pain, men.  I know.  I know how expensive it is to be in a relationship.  I may or may not have spent my life’s earnings and more on my girlfriend.  But I learned my lesson, and after plenty of rookie mistakes, through trial and error, I have become a connoisseur of the cheap date.  Now I cannot guarantee that this will get you “a ring by spring” but it might allow you to refill your gas tank on the way home.

Let’s begin.


1. Take a walk: “C’mon Andrew, you can do better than that” Hush.  It’s a classic way to get to know someone.  It can be anywhere!  In the city, in town, in the mall, in a park, in a box, with a fox, in a house, with a mouse, here and there, anywhere.  And yes, that was a Dr. Seuss reference.

2. Go to the gym: “You saying I’m fat?!” Well, in America, you have a 33% chance of being in such a condition, so more than likely yes.  But really, nothing is more attractive than flashing your YMCA membership card and then getting all sweaty.

3. Play a sport: Sometimes fueling a competitive fire can also fuel your burning passion for one another (pfffffff HAHAHAHA).  Anyway, I suggest something both of you can play.  Tennis is great because most parks have community courts that are free.  You could also throw a ball around, kick something, whatever.  If she fishes, hunts, or plays airsoft/paintball, marry her on the spot.

4. Volunteer somewhere: You know how the old adage goes, “free work is the best work”.  And it’s true, I’ve had plenty a romantic moment with my girlfriend attempting to assist an elderly person park his car without knocking over, I don’t know, EVERY SINGLE traffic cone.

5. Just hang out at home/dorm room: Sometimes this is the best thing to do, as long as you don’t have an absurdly obnoxious family.  Or a really messy room.  Or a roommate who never wears pants.  DON’T BE THAT GUY.

6. Being Single.  Yaaaay.



7. Go to a matinee: Seriously people, go early.  Same shows playing at a cheaper price with less people.  Yeah it is the movies, but if this is a first date, sometimes it’s best to NOT talk her out of liking you right off the bat.

8. Your average family restaurant: “That’s so cliché.” You’re probably right, but sometimes you have to just say no to those fancy eateries.

9. Arcade, Bowling, and Mini-Golf:  This is actually a pretty underrated date idea.  There is nothing more fun and demoralizing than losing to your date in Skeeball, bowling, pinball, and… *sigh* Daytona USA (I don’t like to talk about it).



10. Go to a sports game:  Granted, you can get into most amateur level parks and arenas for free or very, very cheap, but I am putting this here because if you have the money, a professional sports game is a great idea.  There is nothing more romantic than watching Philadelphia’s teams lose.  Impress her by saying that even YOU could be the Flyer’s goaltender nowadays.

11. Go to a concert:  Concerts are the same way.  Great events that vary in price range and location.  Avoid rap, dubstep, electro, and any great band that was formed before 2002.  Unfortunately, many women dislike those genres unless it’s Drake for reasons I will never comprehend.  Also avoid Nickleback for the obvious reasons.  At all costs.

12. Go on an adventure:  Climb a mountain or something.  If you have a boat, go somewhere in it.  Material cost may vary.

13. Go to a convention center: If you people want to channel your inner otaku, geek, or what have you, go to a convention!  Sign up for the Pokémon world cup or something and win it.  Win it for your girl and bring honor to your family.  There are plenty of other expos and conventions out there regarding all sorts of topics, right here in Valley Forge too.


Absurdly Expensive Dates You Will Never Go On

14. $37,500 a day: Musha Clay in the Bahamas.  Comes with your own island.

15. $72,000 a day: The von Essen’s Amberley Castle in West Sussex.  Do you need a punch line for that?

16. 1.5 Billion Dollars: A trip to the moon.  Seriously, SpaceX is offering tickets and rides for that cost.  Oddly enough, a one way flight is actually an option for $750M.

Well, I hope this helps.  I mean, worst case it doesn’t, right?  Have a happy Valentine’s Day, and remember the reason for the season, whatever that may be.

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