A Dairy Disaster

Dear Miss Information,

My roommate and I are having some problems. Particularly I am having some problems with my roommate. We mostly get along with each other and it has been good so far this semester, but as of late she has picked up a new habit that has been ruining my life. After a party, she recently discovered the beauty of cheesecake and has been eating non-stop ever since. She has probably had it 3-4 times a week this semester so far. The problem is she is lactose intolerant and the room is absolutely dreadful after she has had some.

You may not feel the gravity of the situation, so let me make it a little more clear. Every time I step foot over the threshold of my dorm, a waft of thick, sweet air attacks my nose. The smell is reminiscent of a mangy rat dipped in sour cream and recently drowned. I believe the thick atmosphere of my room has the potential to cause a mid-size bull to pass out. She comments about how the cheesecake is worth it; she doesn’t normally eat dairy products. But she does not consider the effect that it has on me. I cannot sleep, study or exist in our room as of recently. It is her life and theoretically, she can eat and do what she wants, but it seems to be at the expense of my well-being. I don’t know if I should tell her to stop or not. I don’t want to ruin how things have been but it’s getting bad. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. 

Sincerely, Intolerant to Lactose Intolerance

Dear Intolerant to Lactose Intolerance,

Wow, this certainly sounds like quite the predicament. First off, I offer my condolences for your struggles. As a fellow lactose-tolerator, I can only begin to imagine how frustrating this must be for you. Hopefully, this will help.

One of the immediate ideas that comes to mind would simply be to introduce lactose-friendly options into her life. I know, it sounds strange, but the modern world is a cruel place, and things such as dairy-free cheesecakes do exist. A grievous evil to people like you and I who can process dairy on our own for sure, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Maybe you could make some and see if it can placate the demon that is her lactose intolerance.

However, this solution isn’t garunteed. In all fairness, it is dairy-free cheesecake; how good could it really be? While your kindness thus far has certainly been an act of grace in the eyes of God, I am not quite as kind nor do I hold  you to as high of a standard. Why should you have to tolerate her intolerance?? If her desire for lactose is causing you so many issues, it’s time for her to man up and tolerate it. I mean really, how hard can it be? 

I think we both realize that it’s clearly time to sit down and have a talk about this problem. If you’re nervous about it, you could always schedule a meeting with your RA to have them moderate the conversation and even reference your roommate contract from the beginning of the year.

Let’s be honest here; you didn’t sign up for this intolerance when you settled with this roommate. It’s time to nip this problem in the bud and have your roommate cut the act before they cut a block of cheese that takes you out for good.

Sincerely, Miss Information

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