Woman gets stuck inside WEPA machine

     An unidentified woman got stuck inside Warner Memorial Library’s WEPA machine. A work request was filed, but sadly Plant Ops did not respond for several weeks due to backlogged work requests. A handful of librarians attempted to pry her out with numerous methods, including rope, crowbars and even paper clips, but unfortunately, none of them are MacGyver, and it only caused paper to fly out of the machine. A witness to the incident claims, “She just kept hollering for help, but she was told repeatedly to be silent because it is a library.” One reference librarian, who shall not be named, heard the noise. However, she was assisting a student at the reference desk at the time, so the shouts were ignored.

     Even after the woman was successfully removed, the machine was still broken.

     At present, it is not currently known how she managed to get inside the machine; however, several psychic nuns and some Calvinists from last week’s conference have been hired to investigate the issue. Before the incident occurred, the woman was allegedly seen closely examining the WEPA machine. A representative for the campus explained that “future research must be conducted to see if any preventable methods can be taught to students so that this never happens again; however, it will take some time, as we are out of funds.”

     In order to avoid future mishaps, Eastern’s administration sent out an email to all students with the following message: “ATTENTION ALL STUDENTS, please be sure to exercise EXTREME CAUTION when operating WEPA machines. It has recently been discovered that these machines are EXTREMELY DANGEROUS MAN-EATING MONSTERS.”

*Please note: all Eastern Radish articles are satirical and do not portray real persons or events.

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     On Sept. 20, tragedy struck when it was announced to the media that bloated actor Brad Pitt and Oscar-winning-actress-humanitarian-U.N.-envoy Angelina Jolie, together nicknamed Brangelina, were divorcing after two years of marriage and almost 13 years together as a couple. Yes, the marriage that spawned “Team Aniston” and “Team Jolie” T-shirts and riots in the streets is ending. It is a day that will live in infamy, a day unlike any other, a sad day of “Burn After Marrying.” His and Her Royal Majesty were one of the most beloved couples in Hollywood, and their divorce marks the end of an era. Multiple theories present themselves: Did Angelina get tired of his constant drug use? Was she outraged at the way he treated their children? Did Brad have an affair with French actress Marion Cotillard? It should be noted that Cotillard is pregnant. Something major probably happened. Maybe Brad admitted to his affair with Marion, and she was like, “Um, I’m a lecturer at the London School of Economics now. I don’t have time for this.” Please date some hot scholar or U.N. person next, Angie! Leave Brad to be “hoisted by his own Pittard.”

     Anyway, the BrexPitt ‘16 Scandal has exploded all over the Internet and beyond. I guess love is the “Pitts” after all. The tabloids were at the ready, printing story after story about “Brangeleaveha.” Pitt himself has released a statement explaining in part that “what matters most is the well-being of our kids. I kindly ask the press to give them the space they deserve during this challenging time.” They won’t. It is the press.

     But what does America’s sweetheart Jennifer Aniston think? After all, she is referred to as the girl “whose heart was broken by Brad,” despite this being 13 years ago. According to beau Justin Theroux (she definitely upgraded, that’s for sure), they refuse to be a part of it, and they both feel for Angie with what she is going through. Is it possible that Angelina is PR-savvy?

     All we know is that Angelina was in Syria the week of Sept. 18. Multiple sources report that “before Brad left for Croatia, some major drama went down between them.” Reportedly, Angie wanted Brad to get his drug abuse problem under control, which is why she feels that he cannot be “positive around the family.” Perhaps she wants to shame him into getting sober, which, if that is the case, means Angelina is literally a goddess among us.

     But it gets much worse. There was an open investigation into an alleged child abuse incident onboard the Jolie-Pitt’s private jet several weeks ago, and Jolie filed for divorce a day later. It is alleged that Pitt was extremely drunk and got verbally and almost physically abusive with one of their six children. Reportedly there’s footage of the couple screaming at each other on the tarmac, which could be enough for anyone to say “Divorce in 60 Seconds.” Say goodbye to Pitt’s career if so.

     Brangelina is dead. Long live Angelina the Solo Queen. Now she can be free. Although they have agreed to counseling and visitation, she will be forever marked as the woman whom Brad got with during his tryst with Jennifer. I hope she can move past this and branch out, for her sake and the sake of the children. She’s got the sequel to “Maleficent” and a new war drama lined up, so I think she will be fine. Essentially, the fairy tale has ended for “Mr. and Mrs. Split,” and true love is dead.

     Once again the “diverse” Emmy Awards were upon us, and oh, what a mess they turned out to be! Hosted by the inferior Jimmy Kimmel, we had an incredibly large group of shows and nominees. But of course the main reason I am writing this article is to express my sorrow and rage that “Fargo” did not win anything, with everything being stolen by “American Crime Story” instead. Do not misunderstand me: Sarah Paulson was phenomenal on “ACS” as federal prosecutor Marcia Clark, but had it been any other year, the win would have gone to Kirsten Dunst as the sociopathic beautician Peggy Blomquist on “Fargo,” and the same goes for Regina King winning over Jean Smart. I am happy for them nonetheless. As I kept watching, the jokes just got worse and worse, and the winners were just as bland and predictable as I had thought. I was happy to see people like Sterling K.Brown, Courtney B. Vance and John W. Oliver win (Oliver was very self-aware in his speech). Kate McKinnon finally won, and her speech was very genuine and honest.

     Some of the fashion choices were a bit conservative, with the exception of Kirsten Dunst, who wore a very revealing dress. Kirsten, honey, what are tops? But the most awkward, cringe-inducing fashion choice of the night goes to Claire Danes, who evidentially forgot to erase her spray tan. I could not tell what the color of her dress was. It appeared to be some shade of pink/yellow? Danes was so bland she practically blended in with the gold statuettes themselves. I do not think Marc “I Don’t See Color, I See People” Jacobs has a shade that color, honestly.

     There were several very awkward moments, starting with the introduction, which featured a random appearance by Jeb Bush as a limo driver, a joke about diversity and an incredibly long, awkward and insulting joke about how nine-time Emmy nominee Dame Maggie Smith does not care about the awards. You see, jokes like that are why she does not attend these awards. I was shocked to see Louie Anderson emerge from whatever cave he has been living in for the past 25 years to win an award. There was a very uncomfortable joke about Bill Cosby and a very strange assortment of peanut butter sandwiches handed out to everyone in attendance. “Grease: Live” won over Beyonce’s “Lemonade,” which just begs the question: Are these awards as diverse as we think? Why do we keep making jokes about diversity, yet not do anything to, you know, actually fix the problems at hand?

     I thought there were several cute moments. Sarah Paulson brought the real Marcia Clark with her to the awards, which was a nice touch. Kate McKinnon, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Patton Oswalt and Sterling K. Brown each had some of the most emotional moments of the night, as all thanked their late fathers in their speeches, which caused the waterworks to flow from every person in the audience, and of course from every viewer at home. I cannot make any snarky comments about that, as it is a respectable thing. “Game of Thrones” won for the episode “Battle of the Bastards,” a well-deserved win, despite Kit Harrington’s awkward acting chops. Lena Headey’s nomination as the wine-drinking, Sept-destroying, misunderstood Cersei Lannister was rendered moot when, once again, Maggie Smith somehow won her fourth win out of nine nominations for not doing anything.

     The feminist website Jezebel published a piece titled “What’s Up With Julia Louis-Dreyfus?” that questioned why Louis-Dreyfus looked so miserable at the award ceremony. They later updated the piece to include the anecdote about Louis-Dreyfus’ mention of her father passing away last week, but the question remains, why are women constantly asked why they are not smiling? Why are men considered pansies if they show emotion? Why are we going backwards in a patriarchal society?

     In conclusion, I think the evening can best be summed up with Maggie Smith’s sassy rebuttal to Jimmy Kimmel in regards to the joke about her demeanor: “I feel the Emmys have been very generous to me. If Mr. Kimmel could please direct me to the lost and found office, I will try and be on the next flight. Love, Maggie.”

     Call it work-life balance, work-life coexistence or simply life, but balancing responsibilities can be stressful in an active world. People have vastly different views on what it takes to maintain a healthy work-life balance, and many don’t even agree that the term “balance” itself is useful. As Hillary Clinton says, “Don’t confuse having a career with having a life.” The media often presents us with the picture of the hard-working husband and the stay-at-home wife. Felicity Huffman’s portrayal of the neurotic control-freak Lynette Scavo on ABC’s “Desperate Housewives” manages to be a rare example that subverts this trope to a fair degree; she works her career in the corporate world and manages to raise her children at the same time. This inspired me to seek out some real life humans here at Eastern University who represent successful faculty and staff that raise families and still manage to put food on the table. So, armed with pencil and notebook in hand, I went undercover as an intrepid Drew Barrymore-esque reporter to uncover just how they do it, and why they love what they do.

     Right off the bat, I discovered that quite a few professors, staff and faculty were simply just too busy to even have time to sit down and answer my questions. An understandable reaction, but this is just what I am looking for. Sometimes, there are those who are just so devoted to their work that they throw themselves into work and then go home to be there for their children. Despite this, I manage to snag three hard-working people in my net. I start with Lizette Peck, who is the testing coordinator for the Cushing Center for Academic Support, located on the third floor of Walton. Ms. Peck has four children, two girls and two boys, and she explains that she loves raising her children. Just having the pleasure of spending time as a family is one of her greatest delights. When asked how she does it, Peck explains that her family uses Google Calendar for the family’s whole schedule–a different color for each person, and they share a Google Doc for day-to-day stuff.

     “My husband teaches middle school, so he is home before me to get the kids to after-school activities and prepare dinner,” she explains.

     Tasks such as grocery shopping are done on weekends. And luckily, she explains, “[My] kids were taught how to do their own laundry early.” When asked what she loves most about her job here at Eastern, she states, “Helping students succeed and become the best that they can be,” a fine sentiment that I think rings true for all faculty and staff here at Eastern University.

     Sometimes, raising children and working is not always easy. As history professor Chris Butynskyi explains, “The reality is that it never feels like a balance, but sacrifice and trade. One cannot be really good at both equally. It is a myth created by a society that convinces parents that both need to work in order to maintain production, efficiency, progress, etc.” He states, “I have to sacrifice time and energy all the time to do one or the other. When I do try to lend time to my work, I find that I must do it at the expense of time with my kids.” He provides a very wise response in regards to what he loves most about his kids, saying that “I joke. The best part of raising children is having a front-row seat to their development. I get to watch them struggle, succeed, fail, play, discern and mature. We cannot keep all of the moments of their lives in our memories, but what we do piece together is worthwhile.” Those last words are very sentient in nature.

     Finally, I speak with Benjamin Howard, director of Student Life and a new father to a beautiful baby girl. Howard explains that he is still learning the process of being a new parent, but that he “[will] fully learn as the semester progresses and hits a more predictable routine.” He explains that “it’s all so new, and with a newborn it seems like every day is different.” His daughter is just learning now how to smile, something Howard believes to be beautiful and worth celebrating. In terms of his job, Howard loves interacting with students, commenting, “I enjoy it when students stop by to talk about life or even theology.”

     I am delighted to see the amount of care Eastern has for its students. Lizette, Christopher and Benjamin are just three examples, but I feel every parent who works at Eastern is attempting to strike the right balance between time spent on their career and time spent nurturing a family. This is not without hard work and sacrifice, however. Each interviewee explains that there are some things that they hope could change in the near future, such as more flexible work hours and better family leave policies. Perhaps, in the future, we may see things change.

     You are not Superman and Wonder Woman, and you can’t do everything, but you spend what time you have on this earth doing as much as you can.

     Sources: Interviews With Chris Butynskyi, Benjamin Howard, Lizette Peck

Summer blockbusters are all the rage. There is nothing more satisfying than escaping the confines of your warm house to seek refuge in a cold, dank movie theater, eating overpriced popcorn and enjoying the best of what Hollywood currently has to offer (which isn’t much). In light of this, I will preview some upcoming blockbusters, but also give film recommendations.

The Trend Continues: Superhero Films

Superheroes are all the rage, with the Marvel Cinematic Universe being the highest-grossing film franchise of all time. This past March, we saw the tragic release of DC Comics’ biggest film to date: Zach Snyder’s “Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice.” I will not provide a summary, because Wonder Woman deserved to have her own film BEFORE this mess. The only reason to see this film is for Wonder Woman’s seven minutes of screen time. Seriously, this film was terrible. Don’t see it. Even Holly Hunter and Jeremy Irons cannot make up for its awfulness. It’s a taxing movie: very heavy all around. It has a few cool moments, but much like Henry Cavill’s hairline, it’s pretty lacking in “fun” of any kind, and it takes itself way too seriously.

Where DC fails, Marvel succeeds; Marvel is releasing two films this spring. First, we have the blockbuster “Captain America: Civil War”, where we see Captain America and Iron Man duking it out in the name of….uhh…..justice? This sounds very similar to “Batman v. Superman,” but with superior heroes and a better reason for fighting. It boosts a superior ensemble cast: Chris Evans, Robert Downey, Jr., Mary Conaghan-I mean…Scarlett Johansson, Sebastian Stan, Emily Van Camp, Elizabeth Olsen, Paul Rudd, Paul Bettany, Don Cheadle, Anthony Mackie, and newcomers Martin Freeman, Tom Holland, and Chadwick Bosman. (I am choosing to exclude Jeremy Renner because I hate him and he looks like a foot.) I am excited to see Scarlett Johansson’s Black Widow take the high side of the conflict, the mediator so to speak. She is really on neither side, watching two men fight it out all sweaty and bloody. (Also, God bless! She got a better wig! Yass Queen!) Look forward to Emily Van Camp’s ten minutes of screen time, and a random appearance by Spider Man. I am quite looking forward to seeing it decimate “Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice” in overall box office receipts. The downfall of DC Comics is upon us.

Film Recommendations

First, we have “Carol,” starring Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara. The biggest thing I can tell you about this film is that it is essentially “Lesbians at Macy’s Department Store: The Movie.” Taking place in the 1950’s it is a very vintage film, with gorgeous visuals and costumes.

Overall, I cannot stress enough the importance of how much films mean to me. So, I will leave you with a final recommendation, courtesy of Netflix: “The Price of Gold” is a documentary about the infamous ice skating rivalry/scandal between Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding. The Ice Princesses fought to the death in competition for the 1995 Winter Olympics, and it cumulated with Kerrigan getting clubbed in the knee with a police baton courtesy of Harding’s boyfriend. This documentary has it all: The “thwack” heard ‘round the World, Harding’s mother hurling abuse at her daughter on the phone, Kerrigan’s infamous whining, “WHY?! WHY?!” Connie Chung, the infamous “broken skate,” Oksana Baiul coming out of nowhere and winning the Gold, and a bloated Tonya Harding desperately trying to defend herself and failing miserably. I cannot recommend it enough.

We have come a long way in the current age of cinema. We still go to the movies despite the rising ticket prices, and some of us (you know who you are) torrent or stream films online to save money. The rise of Netflix and Hulu have also determined how we view film as a whole. All in all, I look forward to seeing what the future holds for cinema and whether it will last. (One last thing: That Sci-Fi film “Passengers” starring Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence comes out this Christmas. I am still jealous of her.)

What comes to mind when I say “Gilmore?” In the early 2000s, Gilmore Girls became one of the most notable television dramas of its time. With the news that it is getting a reboot on Netflix, approximately nine years after its series finale, I thought it wise to revisit some of our beloved television classics. So grab your gel pens, unnecessary hair extensions, and your tiny Nokia cell phones with limited data usage as we go back in time, over fifteen years ago…

Once upon a time, there was a broadcasting channel known as The WB. They gave us classics such as Everwood, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Felicity, One Tree Hill and Dawson’s Creek: they were television shows in the prime of television itself. For every Sabrina Spellman, Marissa Cooper, Veronica Mars, Ross Geller, and Grace Adler, there was a Dawson Leery, Buffy Summers, Bright Abbott, Lucy Camden, and Lorelai Gilmore. These were the shows that introduced us to household names like Jennifer Aniston, Chris Pratt, Kristen Bell, Lauren Graham, Jessica Biel, and Misha Barton. (Does anyone remember the infamous Marissa Cooper freakout on The O.C.?)

Many times, actors from one show would join another show. For example, did you know that Marcia Cross portrayed the globetrotting HIV-positive aunt of Chris Pratt and Emily Van Camp’s characters in Everwood’s second season, then packed her bags and moved to Wisteria Lane as a main cast member of ABC’s Desperate Housewives all in the same year? And speaking of Chris Pratt, did you know that after Everwood ended, he became an annoying hippie stoner activist on The O.C.?

When we look back on these shows, we get a rush of nostalgia, longing for the days when you had dial-up internet that took forever to load and ketchup in many color varieties. Does anyone remember when a teenage Emily Van Camp got a freaking KIA SORENTO for no reason on Everwood? Admit it, you remember exactly where you were when Marissa Cooper was killed, when Ross and Rachel got married, and when Buffy discovered her mother’s lifeless corpse.

Looking back on this era of television, we get a sense of the innocence of the times when television tackled sensitive issues, such as the infamous marijuana episode of 7th Heaven: “Oh what a relief, I mean, its not like we thought that mom was a stoner or anything,” snarks oldest sibling Mary Camden, upon the revelation that her father found a joint in his wife’s room. “Wait a minute…then whose joint is it?” exclaims second-to-youngest sibling Simon (This is actual dialogue from the show. Seriously, you can find it on YouTube.) These types of watered-down “very special episodes” were a staple of television dramas in their prime. For example, the tame portrayal of teenage sex on Dawson’s Creek was seen as shocking. And speaking of Dawson’s Creek, the show’s signature hyper-articulate dialogue is not something we see today, in both television and real life. Everyone on that show talked like an English professor (apologies to Kat Hayes).

Much in the same way that Katie Holmes only uses the left side of her mouth to talk, these shows had many one-sided elements to them as well. For example, according to 7th Heaven, all rap music is bad and promotes violence against women. Despite the drawbacks, these shows are surprisingly accurate representations of what life really was like in the late 1990s and early 2000s.

We fondly look back on these television programs because of their memorable storylines and iconic moments. We were able to relate to these old shows because they remind us of our old selves, and the spirit of the late 1990s into the early 2000s still resonates with us today.

If you have ever scheduled an appointment with a professor, or if you have ever had a meeting on the third floor of Walton, you have probably interacted with the administrative assistants. You may know one – or several – of the admin assistants. When you call a department to schedule an appointment with a professor, or even call the Cushing Center for Academic Services to schedule a test, you are speaking with the people that set the gears in motion. The admin assistants of Eastern University provide several different services, and it is about time that they were recognized for their hard work.

Peder Weigner is an alumnus of Eastern and currently works as the admin assistant for the Office of Talent and Career Services. “One of the main priorities of this type of position is to make sure students feel welcomed in the office, make sure the students’ questions are addressed, refer students to the appropriate office, or, in my case, make appointments for them in the Talent & Career Development office,” Peder notes. “I have had the opportunity to take on major projects that have pushed me to find strategies to manage my time as well as my growing list of tasks and goals.”

Trish Sakal, another administrative assistant, manages counseling, testing, and tutoring services. “I am the first face of the Cushing CCAS office, where many important services are housed. I make sure the students come in for the many services, whether it be tutoring, writing assistance, counseling, accommodations, or what have you.” And, she points out, you ought never to refer to them as “secretaries.” “The term ‘secretary’ is such an outdated and stereotypical term,” Trish explains.

But students are not the only priority. Faculty success is also a top priority. As Amy Nielsen, administrative assistant of the Business, Chemistry, and Communications departments explains, “Administrative assistants provide support for students and faculty. While most of their work is behind the scenes, their role is very important to ensure the smooth running of day to day operations. Responsibilities include anything from answering phones, making copies to addressing issues in the buildings, bigger projects for departments, event planning, and a myriad of other tasks.”

Often, there are many things about the position of an administrative assistant that can often be overlooked. One such thing, according to Trish, is that the job requires sharp eyes and keen memorization. “Something that I do in my day-to-day jobs that is often overlooked is to try to make more personal connections and meet students, as well as memorizing names and faces to the best of my ability.”

The admin assistants love what they do, and they can serve as empathic listeners, as Linda Hytha, former Youth Ministry admin assistant-turned Student Success Advisor explains. “During almost nine years at Eastern, my greatest joy has been helping students find their way. Being there through the small inconveniences that make up a student’s day, to the painful struggles that make up a student’s life, seems to fulfill God’s purpose for my vocation.” Peder, Amy, Trish, and Linda all want to stress that being an admin assistant is “not always about the paperwork.”

At the heart of it, the admin assistants each enjoy their jobs, as it enables them to meet many different people. “What an honor it is to participate in the holistic development of so many of the wonderful students here at Eastern!” Linda emphasizes. Service is the highest priority. Amy states, “As with anything, whether you are an employee in the higher levels of administration, a faculty member, or in a support staff position, the importance of the heart and a willingness to serve cannot be understated. Colossians 3:23 ‘Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men.’”

A doppelgänger is a look-alike or double of a living person, sometimes portrayed as a paranormal phenomenon or as one’s “double-goer” or evil twin.  While their status as identical nefarious ghosts may be debated, one cannot deny that these people have uncanny resemblances to some of Hollywood’s biggest stars.

What to say about Bettie Ann Brigham? You look. I hear her hair is insured for $10,000. I hear she does car commercials…in Japan. The Gryphon even named a drink after her, which places her among Arnold Palmer and Shirley Temple. She comes from the legendary Brigham dynasty, and her parents were just as involved with Eastern University as she is now.

You may be wondering what a typical day in the life of Bettie Ann is like. First, her morning routine: she awakes in her royal chamber. Like Marie Antoinette in the palace of Versailles, her chambermaid arrives with her daily choice of wardrobe (“comfortable, colorful, anti-polyester and an enemy of static electricity,” she says).

After she gets ready to start the day, she arrives via limousine to Eastern University. This is where I come in. I meet her, bowing as is the custom, with clipboard in hand, to accompany her as she goes on her daily routine. She is dressed very elegantly, her hair is shiny, and her earrings reflect light when she moves. She ascends the grand staircase, up to the third floor of Walton, where her royal office awaits. As she and I chat, she advises me to “be careful what you pray for.” Sometimes we pray for something and God might give it to us, or it might not be what we think we need. These are very wise words, and we should all abide by them.

I ask her about her position, and she explains, “I always keeps myself busy, and I enjoy the work that I do.” She is a member of several different organizations, including SGA, the Compliance Committee, and the Founders and Oversight Committee. Her main position is the Vice Provost for Student Development, and that is a position that enables her to interact quite a lot with the Eastern students. Clearly, she has many responsibilities, so she uses her handy dandy phone to keep all of her appointments in check.

There are quite a few things that you may not know about Bettie Ann. Her bookshelves are lined with multiple non-fiction texts, as they are her favorites and she always wants to learn. Also, she is very much a nature lover. She loves tending to her garden, and she even sings! Bettie Ann has sung in choirs all of her life, including her local church choir. Before her meetings, her team of servants specifically brush off any lint on her suits and fix any hairs out of place on her head. During her meetings, she conducts herself with elegance. She’s got style, she’s got grace. She’s a lady.

And this lady conducts herself with poise in all she does: parenting, praying, learning, working. Yet for Bettie Ann, one of the most important parts of her job is the well-being of students. She is at Eastern University primarily  to help students to meet challenges that shape their future lives.

Eventually the day comes to an end. As she bids me adieu, she brings forth one more facet of knowledge: “Enjoy what you do.” I take these words to heart. So in the end, who is the real Bettie Ann Brigham? She is a mother, counselor, environmentalist, daughter, wife, child of God, learner, and in some ways, she is very much a student at heart.

Ryan Murphy is a very polarizing creator. His shows include Popular, Glee, Nip/Tuck, and American Horror Story. The problem with his shows is that they rely heavily on stereotypes. So, when it was announced that he was set to produce a new anthology series entitled American Crime Story, you could only guess that it was going to be big.

The first season focuses on the O.J. Simpson trial. For those of you who are either too young or too shortsighted to remember, Orenthal James Simpson was accused of murdering his wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend, Ronald Coleman, in the summer of 1994. Simpson is questioned by police and denies everything. He later infamously flees in a white bronco with law enforcement in hot pursuit while we’re treated to “Sabotage” by the Beastie Boys. All of this happens within the first episode!

The show covers the entire trial from the beginning to the end. Sarah Paulson turns in a superb performance as lead prosecutor Marcia Clark, who is going through a divorce at the time of the trial and wears four wigs throughout the series run. She clearly wants that Emmy/Golden Globe nomination. John Travolta (and his melting face) portrays Robert Shapiro, a member of the defense team, with “Charlie’s Angels” actress Cheryl Ladd appearing as his wife Linell. Courtney B. Vance, husband of actress Angela Bassett, appears as lead defense lawyer Johnnie “If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit” Cochran. Cuba Gooding, Jr. turns in a rather solid performance as O.J. Simpson, and “Friends” actor David Schwimmer portrays Robert Kardashian. Yes, sadly, the pointless Kardashian clan is indeed tied to this trial, as their father was the lead defense attorney on the case. Selma Blair portrays everyone’s favorite “mommager” Kris Jenner, with Connie Britton as her best friend and severe alcoholic, Faye Resnick. Billy Magnussen plays Kato Kaelin: all you need to really know about him is that he was a stoner who was crashing at the Simpsons’ home the night that Nicole died.

The show provides an interesting mix of fact versus fiction, and it really shows how the detectives and the D.A.’s office were able to create what they thought was a solid case, only to watch it fall to pieces before their eyes. For example, did you know that O.J. locked himself inside Kim Kardashian’s bedroom threatening to kill himself with a gun? That’s in here. The large number of pizza orders while the infamous car chase is happening on screen? That also actually happened. And that Beastie Boys song that plays in the white bronco during the chase? It was actually playing on the radio at that time.

What’s that you ask? The verdict? Well, if you must know, O.J. was found not guilty, which sparked a debate that still goes on to this day. Did he really do it? We may never know for sure. Regardless, this is a fun series to watch, and it contains all of the moments that made the trial infamous. The one complaint I had about this series? The Kardashians got another show.

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