What Boils My Egg

Maybe I’m a little weird, but I’m grateful that I don’t currently own a car. I’m content with hitching a ride with friends, or taking the train into the city, trusting others to get me to my destinations. I know I’ll need a vehicle extremely soon, but for now, I’m taking advantage of this opportunity. And that’s because of one, simple thing…

You know what really boils my egg?

Every other driver of every other vehicle on the road. People behind the wheels of Mazdas, Ford trucks, 18-wheelers, Beetles, and everything in between. No one is safe from my blanketed criticisms, because I cannot stand to be on the same asphalt as anyone else who uses their cars with the attention span of a mosquito.

I don’t want to toot my own horn (no pun intended…all right, pun incredibly intended), but I have a certain level of finesse behind the wheel. I’m able to command a level of assertiveness that allows me to merge with ease, a level of focus that maintains full concentration on my journey, and a level of politeness for those crossing the street and those coming out of gas stations. I think it’s only fair to expect the same from others.

And yet, I receive no such courtesies and reciprocated attitudes. It’s as if other drivers have a bloated sense of entitlement, choosing to cut off the rest of the world with a flip of a finger, a blared horn, and blasted bass lines from modified speakers.

Is it wrong to demand some sort of deference between myself and the maniacs and slowpokes on the road? All I want is to be able to travel without the fear of collision/road rage/spontaneous combustion. It’s not impossible, but it sure feels that way!

And allow me to reiterate the true purpose of the car horn. Its sole purpose is to warn other drivers of a potential danger, or to alert them of your presence. Such as, “Hey buddy, your car is barreling towards me at 120mph, and I believe you are under the impression that I’m an apparition. I suggest slowing down, and turning your wheel slightly to the right. Thank you for your time.” The car horn is not to promote your impatience on a turn or your dissatisfaction of going the speed limit. Use it rarely, and use it wisely.

Consider this egg: boiled.

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