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Inquiring Minds: ‘Shut up’ and other technological lessons

It’s the modern day universal embarrassing moment. You’re walking alone on the path when you see someone advancing toward you in the distance. As you near them, you realize it is the cutie you have been admiring in Biology class, and they are smiling in your direction, “Hey, what’s up?”

You smile back and squeak out, “Hi!” Then, to your disappointment, you realize the person is actually looking beyond you. You look over your shoulder to find no-one. Confused, you turn back to see the cutie laughing, “Oh my gosh-are you serious?”

Frightened, you quicken your steps; suddenly, the cutie is not so attractive anymore as a schizophrenic. Right as you brush past them, catching a whiff of their Calvin Klein, you see a small black object protruding from their ear: a cell phone headset.

Cell phones have quickly gone from being the rich man’s trend to every college student’s necessity. However, these gadgets are being passed out faster than people can be taught to use them properly in public.

Therefore, it is the resolution of this editorial staff to propose that the administration add INST 99 to the course catalog: Technological Etiquette. This includes but is not limited to cell phones, email, instant messenger and voice mail.

Until next semester, when INST 99 is available for everyone’s enlightenment, here are a few pointers for the cell-junkies:

1. Tone it down: People around you don’t want to hear about your grandmother’s uncle’s bump on his butt.

2. Turn it off: Class, not gossip, is the reason we are paying tuition. Think of how many GPAs you’ve lowered by leaving your phone on during a test.

3. Slow down, save a life: While it’s humorous for everyone else to watch you instinctively dive across the room for your phone at its first ring tones of Ice, Ice, Baby, it’s also very dangerous, both for you and anyone within a ten-yard radius.

4. Go away: It is the duty of the cell-junkie to find someplace more private to talk, not of the rest of the world to leave the library or computer lab.

5. Let it go: It’s okay to be alone in public; you only look like more of a loser if you’re not independent enough to walk across campus without the comfort of conversation. Aren’t you a little old for a security blanket?

Though brief, these tips should tide everyone over until class registration. Remember to save a time slot for INST 99. We’ll see you in class. Don’t forget your cell phone.

Inquiring Minds is the collective opinion of the editorial staff and not necessarily representative of the entire staff. It is written biweekly by the managing editor and the editor-in-chief.

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