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A Letter to the Past: Managing Editor Lillie Allen writes a love letter to her past self.

To the girl who I used to be,

I know that life is hard. You’re exhausted. It seems like there is no end to the pain you feel; that the heartache will never end. I’m here to tell you that things will get better. You’ll forget him, the scent of his cologne and the smile that felt like it could change your life. He left, that is true, but that does not mean that your happiness has to leave with him.

You’ll learn to love yourself. It will be harder than anything you’ve ever done; you’ll spend hours crying in therapy and to your best friend. The process will be slow, but trust me, you will get there. You’re mood will get better, and people will notice.

You’ll stop thinking about him. You will stop doing everything for his attention. His Instagram handle will fade from your memory and you’ll stop checking his page for updates.

You start living for yourself. You get the tattoos and the sparkle in your eye returns. You’ll feel guilty for a bit (because a pandemic is afoot), but you’ll learn that you can find happiness in the dark times.

You finally find joy in the little things. Sitting on the couch with an oat milk latte will be the highlight of your day. That isn’t a bad thing, you’re slowing down. Growth is gradual, and one day, you’ll truly love yourself. Just wait a few more years.

Love,
Lillie (no longer Lily).

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