The Eastern radish your Source for Local, unreliable News

     Calvinist & Psychic Conference to be held at Area University An area university is set to hold the first annual Calvinist & Psychic Conference. The unlikely pairing of the Society of Psychics (SocPsych) with traditional Calvinist denominations has become something of a hotbed of confusion in the wider community. The head Calvinist organizer from Post-Pentecostal Presbyterian Church in Providence, RI, Vinnie Van der Vander, said that the planning process has been quite smooth. “Yeah, there actually wasn’t much planning at all. Things just basically fell into place.”

     Some have questioned the point of this partnership, skeptical of its validity. But as SocPsych director Zeev Jones suggests, the two groups’ ideologies are not as different as one might think. In my interview, Jones said, “We predict quite a high turnout. People will appreciate opening their minds to more expanded views. It’s perfect – you see? Calvinists know that the future is planned, but can’t see what it is. Psychics can see the future, but don’t know if it’s planned. The whole thing is like it’s meant to be.”

     Critics of the conference are easy to find, however, and have lots to say about the upcoming event. One representative of the Harmony Wesleyan Arminian Armenian Church, who chose to remain anonymous, suggested that they might picket the event, but was uncertain whether this would happen. “We’ll just have to see if people decide to show up,” she commented.

     Participants at the conference can elect to attend a variety of seminars, including Context Clues and Ambiguity: How to handle off-days; Palm Reading Your Salvation; Weather Forecasting for Beginners; Calvin and the Stars; Lucky guesses or Destiny?; Foreseeing Fate: When you predict your own damnation; and The Happy Medium Between Tarot and Torah.

     Author’s note: At the time of publication, the Calvinist & Psychic Conference has been postponed due to unforeseen circumstances.

Comments are closed.