What Boils My Egg

Every now and then, I feel the need to list off things that are really “boiling” me lately. And, as it turns out, this little therapeutic activity just may be interesting enough to share with the world. I present to you, my friends, something a little different this week…

My Boiled Egg List of the Month! This issue’s topic is Americans and Their Usage of Hyperbole!

10) “I’ve told you a million times.” – No you haven’t. You have probably told me about three or four times. Don’t be so dramatic.

9) “This is literally the best day ever.” – Literally? It is? Have we cured all diseases, famine, and started living prosperously? Or did you just find a five dollar bill on the ground?

8) “I’m so hungry I could eat a horse.” – That’s not even all that bad. Horse meat is a common delicacy in Europe and Asia. But you should probably pack a suitable snack the next time you go to class.

7) “If I can’t go to the concert, I will die.” – I pray that your life source does not depend on a live music performance. That would be unfortunate. Secondly, Bon Iver isn’t that good. Find some real music, please.

6) “I need a new car, but I’m flat broke.” – This one is geared specifically to those people who consistently complain about having zero cash, yet can mysteriously afford to buy new jeans from Aeropostale. You lie when you say you’re “flat broke” and lies make me sad.

5) “I have a ton of homework to do.” – Having to read a chapter of a book and write a 2-3 page paper does not constitute a “ton.”

4) “It took forever to get our food.” – Then you probably should have some chips on you at all times. Or you should demand a full refund. “Forever” is quite a long time.

3) “I’m so tired I could sleep for a year.” – That’s called a “coma” in the medical world. Try to avoid those, if possible.

2) “He was at least 9-feet-tall.” – So, the minimum height of the man at the store surpassed the height of the tallest man in the world? Allow me to never take you seriously again.

And, finally…

1) Any “Yo Mama” joke that is still told today – The 1990’s called, they want their pathetic excuse for comedy back.