Parking woes on campus caused by excess spots

Every Eastern student with a car on campus will tell you the same thing: there is a serious issue with on-campus parking. Over the past few months, the problem seems to have gotten even worse. When asked, frustrated students all give the same answer: there is just far too much available parking.

Anyone who has returned to campus in the evening and has seen the rows and rows of empty parking spots will be able to relate to this serious issue. Who would have thought that a school as popular as Eastern would be faced with the problem of too much parking?

“There are just too many available parking spots,” junior Erica Johnson said in an interview. “I don’t understand what is going on.”

What is the cause of all this excess parking? No one quite knows, although there has been a lot of speculation. “I think the spots are actually multiplying,” senior Zak Halpert said. “That’s the only explanation.”

A quick glance over the lots by Kea, Eagle and Sparrowk reveal an appalling sight: dozens and dozens of parking places are left unoccupied every day and students are getting frustrated. Security camera footage has shown multiple students parking quickly and easily, then storming out of their cars in a very irritated manner.

“I hate how convenient it is to just park anywhere I want,” first-year Matt Henson said. “I feel like I’m not getting the true college experience.”

For some students, the plethora of parking options has become a psychological horror. “I keep driving around and I can’t make a decision,” sophomore Hannah Smith said. “I just want to park in all the spots!”

Others claim to have missed classes because they just can’t decide which empty spot to choose.

Another serious concern is the environmental implication: “There could be trees here, but instead there are just endless rows of empty spots,” sophomore Briana Fortunato said.

At the moment, there is no foreseeable solution to the problem, although school officials are researching the issue at this very moment. Students have been advised to keep as calm as possible until the situation is stabilized.