What Gets My Goat

1. Bathroom etiquette. There are many things that you cannot learn about college life from a student handbook. Bathroom etiquette is one of them, especially community bathroom etiquette. For example, what exactly is the appropriate rule for toilet flushing? Do you only flush once to “wake ^ the world” about the conservation of freshwater? Or do you flush multiple times, depending on the job you’ve done and the people who have to breathe the same air around you? When choosing a place to shower, is it okay to choose the stall next to an active shower-occupant because it is clean? Or, should you choose the farthest stall from that person, even if it means using the moldy curtain? In the unfortunate circumstance that you accidentally see someone naked, do you apologize? Does the other person apologize? Do you both pretend that it never happened? You could, but consider the fact that there will be an awkward presence hovering in the air during all of your future conversations and interactions. Here’s an idea: wink and say nothing.

2. When someone takes your seat in class. You walk into your over-occupied class, greet the first familiar person you see, quietly mutter to yourself (but loudly enough so that everyone in the class can hear you) because you forgot to do the assigned reading, and then realize that someone is sitting on your precious butt-shelf. All of a sudden, your life plummets into turmoil and your equilibrium is thrown off indefinitely. As you begin to develop a vendetta against your traitor of a classmate, you consider the possibilities for the new placement of your bum. You could sit in the front row, but the air conditioner will keep you shivering and your professor spits when he lectures. You could sit in the back row, but you are not an athlete. If you sit on the left side of the classroom, you will be under the flickering light. If you sit on the right side, you risk being seen sitting next to “that” person. Ultimately, you’ll choose the middle of the classroom, where your professor can target you for EVERY. FREAKING. QUESTION.

3. “These are the best four years of your life”. Well, maybe, if the only other four years of your life are the ones in which you spent going through puberty. Yes, college life can be a blast. But, is it still a blast when you are awake at 2 AM, hopelessly trying to finish a paper? Perhaps sitting in the Jammin’ Java, sipping a Mocha Java Blast and reading this column is a great way to spend time, but will it really compare to the experiences of your future? Valuing your time as a college student is important, but worshipping it is not. If you think about it, you’ll find that you have plenty of years to experience greater things after college (unless you also think about the number of chocolate chip cookies you consume on a daily basis, in which case you only have a slightly decent number of years at best).


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