Articles written by: Chad Seamon

Center Spread

The Waltonion: Trump Suspends U.S. Presidential Campaign for EU Presidency

WASHINGTON, DC — At a campaign stop at Eastern University’s Holy Week chapel, GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump announced his plan to run for the Eastern University presidency after suspending his own campaign for the U.S. Presidency. Trump excited students during the hour-long service in which he introduced his new […]

Opinions

Educating Justly

Education Inequality in Philadelphia This semester, I drive into inner-city Philadelphia five days a week to student-teach at an urban school. This is the final requirement that I must complete in order to graduate in May with a degree in music education, and the experience has been difficult, eye-opening and […]

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Doane Hall to Secede From Eastern University

The Eastern Beet ST. DAVID’S, PA — Residents of Doane Hall announced their plan to secede from the rest of the St. David’s campus on March 13, citing “differences in behavior and etiquette” as their reasoning. Those for this action of separation cite “untrue stigma” as their reason. Ever since […]

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The Eastern Beet: THC Theological Trend: Charismatic Megachurch

ST. DAVIDS, PA — The mandatory annual change in theological trends within the Templeton Honors College is moving once more. As of Jan. 18, a surprising number of THC students and professors have been registering as first-time guests at local non-denominational, charismatic megachurches, a feat worthy of a friendly welcome […]

Features

The Waltonian Guide to [Not] Getting a Valentine

1. Follow your potential Valentine around. Learn their schedule, phone number, health insurance policy number and EU password. Potential Valentines love this! When you try to connect with another person by learning small, private things about their life, they will be flattered for sure. Medical history is a plus! 2. […]

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Introducing…The Eastern BEET

Tony Campolo Bust Spotted at S.A.B. Sky Zone Event OAKS, PA — A recent incident at the S.A.B. Sky Zone Event proves that even Eastern alumni need a break from classes every once in a while. On the evening of Friday, Jan. 16, the marble bust of Tony Campolo, typically […]

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What Gets My Goat

1. Winter Break being wasted away. Now that the anticipated week of finals is nigh, it is time to begin thinking about the activities you will partake in during your long awaited vacation. You will spend the first week watching “The Office,” the second week watching Christmas movies (except for […]

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What Gets My Goat

1. Changing weather patterns without my consent. You wake up in your warm bed to your alarm saying, in an all-too-much-like-Willy-Wonka voice, “Good morning, sunshine! The earth says ‘hello’!” As you begin to scramble around getting ready for the day, you look outside to get a visual picture of the […]

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What Gets My Goat

1. Not enough community. You are sitting quietly in your room, diligently and enthusiastically attempting a paper, thinking ‘Gee whiz, I really wish somebody would come and bang on my door and invite me to go play video games for the rest of my evening.’ Naturally, you should give up […]

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What Halts My Hippogriff

The Halloween Harry Potter edition 1. Arrogant first year students walking around like they own the castle. You are sitting in the Great Hall having your morning pumpkin juice when a group of frankie first years comes walking in boldly, laughing and doing foolish wand-waving and silly incantations. They scream […]