Windows on New Jersey

Although the rumor mill has had it so very wrong in the past with stories of what is on the tile at the bottom of Walton Pond, and what sorts of ghosts are in Walton Hall’s attic, it has finally produced an accurate story for us this time.

Yes, in fact, the self-proclaimed “Guidette”, Snooki, from the hit MTV show “Jersey Shore,” will be coming to Eastern. She has been invited to share with our student body, as well as any interested faculty members, stories from her new book, “A Shore Thing”.

Snooki recently got wind of how many fans she has here on our campus, so when approached about being a special guest, she was thrilled. She will be here to talk about her life before the Jersey Shore, and everything that has happened to her since then.

“I am so excited to learn about her whole life. I really just cannot wait to find out how she gets her hair poof so high! I have always been curious because I can’t seem to get mine that high, and now I am going to get to find out!” said junior Cee S. Ide, “Jersey Shore” fanatic.

For the sake of time, however, she will only be sharing with us the most pivotal moments in her experiences thus far. She will be focusing on how she converted from being a small town girl living in Poughkeepsie, N.Y. to a big time star. She plans on talking about why she will not settle for anything less than meeting “grenades” from around the country, and how she makes an unbelievably large salary because she knows how to show the public that it’s only a party if the Seaside Police are involved.

“To be quite honest, I am just really stoked to find out what her favorite brand of pickles is. I have always been curious”, said sophomore Stephanie Goshert, a “Jersey Shore” fan.

More information regarding Snooki’s appearance on our campus for a special Friday morning “Windows on the World,” or in this case, “Windows on New Jersey,” will be sent out to the student body very soon. However, if for some reason you miss the notifications, be on the lookout for either a posse of black Cadillacs with license plates from New York, New Jersey or Rhode Island, a gigantic hair “poof” or a 4’9″ girl who has clearly mastered the ropes of a tanning booth.