What burns my toast

There’s nothing like a good cup of tea. Especially after a cold, miserable, wet day. Every time I walk outside it rains, and since thunderbolts and lightning (very, very frightening!) tend to follow me around, that kind of weather bothers me.

You know what really burns my toast?

The fact that an A- will bring down my GPA. For Pete’s sake! It’s still an “A.” Either give me my 4.0 or call it a B. Although professors may find each of their classes the “most important,” students generally have four or five of these classes in any given semester. Yeah, I went there. And yes, I do dare eat a peach, dagnabbit!

Speaking of dogs, why do dog owners insist on dressing their dogs in obnoxious clothes? I mean, the wizard’s hamster farm is hiring for the upcoming harvest soon, and I think that guy stole his wallet, so does it really matter if Fifi is wearing the latest by Gucci? You’re tearing me apart, Lisa! Seriously.

But you know, it is amazing that snowflakes are so tiny but are all different. Think about it: with there only being so many numbers, it is intriguing that phone numbers can vary; it seems that there would have to be identical phone numbers.

Also, speaking of babies, if you want to be absolutely fabulous, you need to be about 20% cooler. It’s common sense, people. Coolness and fabulousness go hand-in-hand. No going around that, so there’s no point in talking about anything else until that’s settled.

Just picture this, will you? Rolling green hills dipping into a valley – not a cloud in the sky – the sun smiling down cheerfully – and ponies of all different colors running everywhere. Now tell me: do you still think that a tree makes a sound when it falls in the woods and no one’s around to hear it?

I guess what actually burns my toast is complaining without any action. For now, though, all I know is that tomorrow is Saturday and Sunday comes after.

Consider this toast: burned.

Editor’s Note: “What burns my toast” was written with contributions by the Walt-Onion staff. Meaning lots of people’s ideas are here, so if it doesn’t all make sense, don’t worry: it’s not you, it’s us.