Three Tips for Third Wheeling

     I don’t have a girlfriend, and at the moment, I don’t need one. I go third wheeling. I am a professional in my field, and I have decided to become a consultant to help others be the perfect complement to their friends’ match made in Heaven. I can teach you how to keep a conversation going when the two of them show the first signs of frustration, offer directions without making the guy at the wheel look like an idiot, suggest compromises and make them sound like they were their ideas, enter a room without changing the chemistry and leave without being missed. To add to the quality of my time third wheeling is the quantity of dates I have attended. As of my time writing this, I have been on approximately several dates and no less than a few road trips. These are the facts, and every single one of these dates has gone off well without a hitch. You can be a part of dates like this too. All you have to do is listen up.

     Basic principles: no matter who, no matter what, anyone can be the best third wheel on a date; they just need the right mount. If you keep in mind these three principles, it will keep the romance going between the lucky couple and get you invited to tag along on their next outing.

     The first principle is answer questions. If one of them wants advice, give them honest advice. If they wanted someone to gush about how everything is going perfectly and how they can do no wrong, they would have just asked Siri. But they did not ask Siri. They asked you, which means they said yes to you being on their date. The more open and sincere you are with a couple, the more genuine they feel you are. Listen and respond to the conversation.

     The second principle is do not steal. This night is not about you. It is about the two of them. Do not steal the conversation for yourself. Keep it flowing by inviting new subjects they will enjoy talking about. Do not steal the show. If you make yourself too distracting and obnoxious, the couple will likely drop you off early. Most importantly, do not steal their date! You’re going to get smacked upside your big head if you even think about making googoo eyes.

     The third principle is be friendly. Of course, you’re already friendly, right? That’s what got you on the date in the first place. The difficulty of being friendly arises when the couple you’re hanging out with breaks up. Sad but true, this can happen. By now, the two of them like you. They like you, but they have come a point where they need to be separate from each other. They will still want to hang out with you, though. You have to be there to lend support. Be there to lend a hand. Be there to lend your time. Your physical presence lets them know life is going to be alright. Even if the two of them stay separate, at least they will have you together.

     After that, you’re on your own, but always remember: third wheeling is not the amount of dates you attend. It’s the insurmountable attendance you bring to their date.

     Inspired by the teachings of Alex “Hitch” Hitchens.