Stuff Eastern students like

Getting Married:
I’m not going to mention “Ring by Spring” because that will only stress everyone out. The last thing I’d ever want to do is remind all those single Seniors out there that this will probably be the last chance they ever have to meet a nice Christian significant other. I mean, there’s really no reason to rush the lifelong commitment of marriage (unless you’re a Senior). Seriously though, if you leave college not engaged to someone else, you are practically doomed to be alone forever! Take a hint from the geese: about the same time they go into heat, it’s time for you to find your mate.

The Mall Cottage:
There’s a little place we’re all familiar with on Eastern’s campus called the Mall Cottage. Those who work there surely get to see Eastern students when they are at their finest – that is, freaked out because that check their parents sent hasn’t arrived on time and their RD is threatening to not let them move in or just generally stressed about the heap of debt they’ve accrued. It’s a place students only enter when they owe large sums of money and are convinced Eastern is somehow ripping them off. Many have been fooled by the dual nature of the Mall Cottage. Why we have both a Student Accounts Office and a Student Aid office is beyond me. Why they are both in the same building and yet connected by an impassible barrier hallway is furthermore baffling.

Asking “How are you?” as a way to dodge the fact you don’t know somebody’s name:
A small university has many benefits, one of those being a tight-knit community. However, in a tight-knit community of roughly 1,800 undergraduates, there is absolutely no possible way to remember everyone’s name. Because the school is small enough, you know an EU student when you see them. There’s that girl who always wears spandex, that kid with the huge earphones, the girl with an excessively furry coat – you pass the same people in your daily routine. On those pathway interactions, you only have mere seconds to have a conversation. The best way to pass those seconds when you don’t know somebody’s name is to quickly erupt with a “Hiiiii, How arrre you?!” Chances are, by the time you pass by, your unnamed friend will hardly have time to answer you, let alone engage you in a conversation that will betray the fact that after INST150, you forgot that person’s name.