Let’s all take a wild ride on Spaceship Eastern U.

I’m sure we’re all familiar with the futile battle to cool off by opening windows inside certain buildings around campus.

Add to this the energy released from the impressive grid of floodlights, the engine exhaust from all the cars eternally circling in lower McInnis parking lot and the underground pressure build-up from the perpetual construction of new dorms, and we might find ourselves in possession of the answers to all our problems!

I think we should take full-advantage of this situation: we can take the trees Plant Ops keeps cutting down, all of the trash floating in the creeks and the hundred-thousand copies of the Waterwheel printed each month, pile it all up into the marshy pond and pray that some divine alchemistic-miracle will transform it all into hydrocarbon by the end of the semester.

Just as the Earth was made in six days, our proactive efforts might also result in a million years of history being condensed into a weekend. This, I think, would be true inter-generational justice: sewing the seeds of hope for our children’s children!

I know you’re probably thinking that your STV class told you oil is kind of bad, and it is, but with a little patience we might find the real treasures–little shiny carbon diamonds, and this is what I’m really advocating for here. But how would shiny rocks further the Christian cause?

In the spirit of capitalism, I think Easternites could sell the sparkly-rocks for something much more utilitarian.

I know the athletic department may think that they deserve some more of God’s money, but my vote would go towards purchasing our very own Spaceship Eastern (with or without Astroturf flooring). Lord knows we’re going to need one if we’re serious about getting our rag-tag religion all the way to heaven.

And I, for one, am not too keen about waiting it out down here–I’ve been thinking that maybe our desecration of God’s Good earth might mean that there won’t be any clouds left for Jesus to return on, save some haze and acid rain (Maybe the hole in the ozone is his doorway!).

So let’s not waste our depleting air discussing sustainability, appropriate technology or, most of all, stewardship. I say its due time for blast off for Jesus!