Five things every guy should know about girls

Women love to laugh. In fact, if you can make a woman laugh, chances are she’ll like you for many years to come.

But here’s the thing, fellas. Don’t try to be funny. The one thing women hate more than the over-eager shopper who gets to the clearance rack before her is a guy who tries too hard to be funny and fails. It’s embarrassing–for both of you. So don’t try to be funny. Just be yourself and the humor will follow. 

Girls tell each other everything–and I mean EVERYTHING. All girls are NOT gossips.

Usually a girl will tell one girlfriend everything, but no worries, the buck stops there. It’s like therapy. There’s a sort of client-therapist confidentiality agreement. So, if you don’t mind that her roommate knows about your brother’s breakup, then by all means pour your heart out. If she’s a smart girl, she’ll only confide in someone who shares a remarkable resemblance to the bank vault at the Federal Reserve, and then you have nothing to worry about.

Some women really don’t like chocolate. This is a strange one, I know. But, the fact of the matter is that every woman has some quirk about her. Every woman has something she does or doesn’t like that is sometimes against what you would normally expect. So when you try to make up with her after an argument, don’t just assume she’ll like the box of Whitman’s you bought at CVS. Get to know the women in your life and know what they do and do not like.

Women hate it when you talk about how other women look. I don’t care if you’re talking to a supermodel. Every woman wants to know that the men she’s around find her attractive.

This goes for any sort of male acquaintance—it isn’t just for boyfriends, but for every guy out there with any females in their lives. Don’t talk about how hot you think Jane Doe is in front of her. If you find it awkward to compliment your female friends on their attractiveness, the best thing to do is not to mention anyone’s physical appearance at all. Just talk about something else. 

It is a universally-acknowledged truth that all women are crazy. On this point I will not swerve. No matter how cool you think she is, how laid back she seems, how inexplicably calm she may appear, every woman is a little nutty. It’s okay, gentleman. That’s they way God made us. Just don’t be surprised when your “really cool, laid-back, fun-to-be-around girlfriend” lashes out irrationally when you don’t call her for three weeks this summer.