Bible classes to use Lolcat Translation

Students taking Bible and Theology classes in the near future will notice a major change in the curriculum.

Starting April 1, Eastern will adopt a new translation of the Holy Bible.

Given the recent popularity of “lolcats,” a genre of art that includes a photo of a cat and a phonetically spelled caption, professors agree that the Lolcat Bible, also known as the Lolcat Translation (LCT), is the best fit for the University.

Chancellor Christopher Hall proposed the change at the Board of Trustees meeting last August.

“Our goal has always been to make God’s word more accessible to our students,” Hall said. “It makes sense to take advantage of the popularity of lolcats.”

This transition has received tremendous support from the faculty.

“Many religions have glorified cats in the past,” Dr. Jonathan Yonan said. “It’s possible that Moses brought some feline theology with him from Egypt after the exodus. It would be historically irresponsible for us to ignore this connection.”

Research by Dr. Carl Mosser supports Yonan’s conclusion.

“If you look closely at Paul’s epistles, you will notice that the original manuscripts are full of spelling and grammatical errors–early evidence of lolcat influence,” Mosser said. “Besides, ‘Pauline epistles’ almost sounds like ‘Feline epistles.’ The evidence is irrefutable.”

Students have voiced their opinions about this decision. Senior Biblical Studies major Barney Stinson is one of the most outspoken supporters of the LCT.

“When I read in Genesis 1 that ‘teh kittehs DO NOT WANT get wet,’ I said to myself, ‘Oh my Ceiling Cat, finally a Bible translation that isn’t afraid to tell it how it is,'” Stinson said. “It’s definitely an answer to prayer.”

However, not all students agree with this change. Junior Debora Wilson has transformed her Facebook page in protest of the new translation.

Wilson, whose religious views area now reads “pro-dog,” has made numerous Facebook groups to condemn the glorification of cats and demand equal canine rights.

“Dogs are man’s best friend,” Wilson said in a Facebook note. “Anyone who wears those ‘Jesus is my homeboy’ t-shirts should know that cats don’t make very good friends.”

Some professors have responded very negatively to the pro-dog movement.

“These students have a right to their own opinion, but they’re wrong,” Mosser said.

Hall has been equally clear in his position.

“Dogs have no place in the Bible,” Hall said. “That would be blasphemy.”

To read the Lolcat Bible, visit www.lolcatbible.com.