As the recent construction work on campus comes to a close upon the completion of the upgrades, news of a new campus project has just been released. Any relief due to the long-awaited absence of loud bangs and grinding noises will be short-lived as the installation of an all-new parking garage begins this summer.
The parking garage will replace the both upper and lower McInnis parking lot, residing in the lower lot. The upper McInnis parking lot will be almost entirely removed and eventually take the form of a combination of Pizza Hut and Taco Bell in the future.
The building will be five stories in height to accommodate the recent rush of new student enrollment and provide space for everyone to safely park their cars during class and meal times.
All current student and faculty parking passes will not suffice; all potential users of the parking garage will need to obtain new passes from campus security. These can be purchased for a small fee of $89.99.
Without new passes, no students or faculty members will be permitted to park in the garage. Campus security will check passes upon every entry and issue unreasonable tickets to anyone who so much as attempts to enter the garage. Furthermore, they will glare at you.
The following vehicles will not be permitted to park in the garage due to size limitations: SUVs, large hatchbacks, some small hatchbacks, and most sedans. Accepted cars include Volkswagen Beetles and that one little green and white electric car.
Construction for the parking garage will begin on April 19, 2025, and end probably never. In the meantime, all resident students will be redirected to park in the Centennial Hall and Eagle Hall parking lots. Commuters will be redirected to park at Chick-fil-A in Wayne Square because no one wants them here anyway. Please be sure to arrive an hour before your classes begin to ensure your walk will not negatively impact your prompt arrival to your designated building.
Noise complaints regarding the construction should be minimal due to the distance between the lower McInnis lot and all residence halls. However, construction volume may interfere with professors’ ability to be heard in classrooms. For this reason, all classrooms in McInnis Hall and HHC will be equipped with temporarily installed sets of wall padding. Hopefully, this will help to drown out the constant sounds from cranes and dump trucks.
That being said, the installation of wall padding will take place throughout the day on April 14, 2025. The likelihood of installation during class times is almost guaranteed, so please be ready to move around the room periodically. Our workers have been trained to yell “pivot” when it is time to move. Anyone who does not understand the reference and doesn’t obey risks being padded into the wall. Padding will remain on the walls until no time in the foreseeable future, so it will be in everyone’s best interest to get out of the way.
As for right now, everyone is clear to go about their final days with two Mcinnis parking lots as usual until construction begins. The grand opening of the parking garage is expected to take place sometime during the fall of 2031. A ceremony is in the works for opening day which will include a parking workshop, a presentation about the definition of a speed limit, and more glares from security. New parking passes will be discounted by 2% on this day. Be sure not to miss it!
Colin Tomczak 
Adaelle Stobie