Keep consumerism in Christmas!

Now that being thankful is finally over with, we’re desperate for a good spending-spree. The main thing on everyone’s mind during the Christmas season is always the most precious gift given to all of mankind: unnecessary stuff we can buy!   

Christmas is a time to celebrate the Messiah, King of Kings and Lord of Lords, humbling himself to take on flesh. It’s a time to reflect on baby Jesus quietly sleeping in a dirty manger as the Virgin Mary, who had just given birth in a barn, praises God for His endless mercy. 

So let’s make this b-day bash the best one yet! Lights! Glitter! Action! 

Let’s start with buying birthday party decorations. We’ll need a bunch of lights that we’ll have to untangle every year. You can choose between colorful lights that make you dizzy or LED lights that make you blind. 

For the party food we could get simple finger foods such as sugar cookies, hot chocolate, candy canes and a whole glazed ham. 

What’s a good birthday party without a good playlist? Make sure you cue-up “Dominick the Donkey,” “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” and the longest version of “Feliz Navidad” you can find. Make sure each song gets played at least 10 times. 

Now for the most important part: the presents! No, not for the birthday boy – for you! Of course we can’t celebrate Jesus without thinking of ourselves first and storing up our earthly treasures. 

The best way to ensure that you will be filled with the joy of Christmas is to make a list of everything you demand to receive. The more overpriced the better. It’s best to make sure you have written evidence of your desires so that when your loved ones disappoint you on Christmas morning claiming, “I didn’t know what you wanted,” you’ll have the receipts. 

Unfortunately, Christmas requires that you give other people stuff too, but if you need to you can just re-gift them stuff you already have. 

While we could take a quiet moment to reflect on the humble birth of Jesus, it’s much more fun to embrace the glitter, the food, and the excess. After all, it’s His birthday, so we might as well throw the biggest, most consumer-driven party the world has ever seen.