Upon returning to campus last semester, students, faculty and staff found a surprising new member of the Eastern community: a socially outcast goose with an injured foot. This goose would waddle up to students in a shockingly friendly manner, as opposed to the other geese of Eastern who enjoy chasing people off walking paths. Furthermore, this goose would chirp happily rather than honk aggressively, charming the Eastern community. The community named him Walter, and an Instagram page was set up pretending to be Walter himself.
After a few months of having Walter as a regular face on campus, he suddenly disappeared. Rumors abounded: was he taken to an animal shelter so his foot could be healed? Was he killed by a more physically agile predator? Did the social isolation finally get to him and he tried to find a pack of his own? Did he simply waddle off and get lost in the confusing suburban maze of the Main Line?
We now know the answer to these questions. Once it began to get cold and other geese were flying high in the sky to warmer climes, Walter himself decided to migrate. Flightless because of his twisted foot, it appears the goose waddled all the way down to Florida to relax all winter and get a break from the campus bubble. Along the way, he befriended other college campuses, and he set up a nest for himself at the University of Florida in Gainesville, Fla. We know this information after Walter was able to spell out where he was from in the dirt on the Florida campus, and several members of that community reached out to the WaltOnion to explain Walter’s absence.
“Walter quickly became an integral part of the University of Florida community. He touched our hearts and taught us the value of those who may have twisted limbs, but pure souls. We will miss him, but we understand that winter is over and he should return to Pennsylvania until next year. Waddle on, little goose. Waddle on,” said the University of Florida in a public statement.
Walter has finally reappeared on campus after the months of absence. Naturally, it took him a bit longer than other geese to return home, given the injury. Walter waddled the 912 miles between the two college campuses, embarking on a remarkable journey that earned him adoration from many hospitable people who sheltered him and ensured he remained safe, although injured. One can only imagine the journey he took, as Walter himself has declined to comment on it in English.
“We love the guy. It’s a shame he had to leave when he did, but I understand it. Home is where the heart is, and home for Walter is Eastern University. I just hope he returns next winter,” said a University of Florida student.
Along the way, Walter faced discrimination and bullying from other geese with fully functioning wings and feet. “Honk honk honk honk honk!” defensively exclaimed a goose accused of pooping on Walter as he flew above the injured goose during migration.
The WaltOnion was also able to secure an exclusive interview with Walter upon his return. “Chirp chirp chirp chirp,” Walter said. “Chirp!” he added, before trying to bite the microphone. We are now looking for donations to replace this piece of expensive equipment. Please chip in if you have some spare change.
It appears that Walter is here to stay, and he really does appreciate his home of Eastern University. If you see him around, make sure to feed him some grass — no human food — and take a moment to appreciate this little animal’s big journey.
