The Waltonian

Campus Philly is an organization that partners with businesses and other organizations around the greater Philadelphia area to help local college students fully utilize the amazing area they live in. Part of this greater ongoing effort, Campus Philly hosts “College Nights” at different venues to provide a free look at the art and culture that the city has to offer. Recently, they hosted a party at the Barnes Foundation, in Center City Philly, which stylized itself as a “college party,” We decided to see what kind of a party the Barnes Foundation could throw.

Shortly after our arrival, a man in a large straw hat with a thin red beard sat down at a table, grabbed five people, and commanded them to “empty their minds, and draw.” These five strangers then attempted to paint a portrait in sharpie of the person across them, all while sitting through a barrage of life advice and the strangest biography one could reasonably expect to hear at a “college party.” It took us about 15 minutes to realize that he was actually a Vincent Van Gogh impersonator. This was how the night began. The Barnes Foundation is home to the Barnes Collection, which is the single largest collection of paintings by Renoir and Cezanne, in addition to numerous others by Picasso, Matisse, and the real Van Gogh. Barnes tirelessly collected these works during the 1920s-1950s, and carefully arranged them into their current arrangement in the collection.

The collection is strangely arranged at first glance; the rooms are filled to the brim with impressionist paintings, Chinese and Native American paintings, Cubist statuary, 500-year-old kitchen equipment and overzealous security guards. In one room will hang five Cezanne’s, two Matisse’s, a Van Gogh, a Picasso, a painting by an unknown Chinese artist from the 16th Century, and a pair of scissors made in Spain. One room is filled entirely with unfinished sketches by Cezanne, Matisse, and Picasso. Some of these are their own works of art, and some look like a throwaway sketch of a boy/dwarf that Picasso spilled coffee on after three minutes of work and tried to toss. The collection doesn’t just hold impressionist art however; William Glackens, an American painter (who helped Barnes gather many of the paintings in the collection), has his paintings and illustrations hung up right next to Picasso. The collection only has about 20 rooms, and it took us about half an hour to get around. As soon as we went out of the collection back into the foyer, we realized that the interpretive dance had started without us.

The crowd at the “college party” was fairly mixed in age, as around half of the attendees were college-aged. It was easy to tell who was who, as the college kids had a different color tag from everyone else (or everyone else had a different color tag from us. Hard to say.). Thankfully there wasn’t much time to mingle, as there was far too much interpretive dance to watch. I’ve never been one to appreciate interpretive/any dancing, but the energy of the live band was infectious. The first dance took place between a man and a woman. They swirled around each other as the music swelled in and out. As far as I could tell, it was an allegory for either marriage, debate, or the current state of American college tuition. As the music reached its final climax, the woman flung herself to the ground. The man bowed down on his knees as the music faded. We scarce had time to absorb what happened before the man rose, grabbed the mic, and thanked the Barnes Foundation for having him out. He told us he had a great show for us, and the band leapt into the next song. The woman barely shifted from her prone position, only moving to put her hands behind her head, and to tap her feet to the rhythm of the R&B singer from Instagram. Now that I think about it, I’m settling on college tuition. Pretty soon, there was an interpretive dance mosh pit developing, and we decided it would be best to leave before things got too crazy. It was 8 p.m. on a school night, after all, and we didn’t want to stay out too late at a college party that didn’t offer free food.

In these troubled times, I would like to take a moment out of our busy days to sit down with everyone and discuss something close to my heart: the scarf. A relic left over from the old days, when people didn’t have zippers or jackets and were forced to slap errant pieces of cloth over their faces in lieu of an actual solution, I think it is high time we abandon this “garment” in favor of literally anything else. While the scarf may purport to solve all of your winter problems, I guarantee by the time I am done, you will have thought more about scarves than you ever wanted to.

First off, we must start with a definition. When I say scarf, I do not mean a decorative scarf, or a cravat if you will, nor do I mean a headscarf or a silk covering thereof. I am referring to a winter scarf, the kind that your over-ambitious friend makes for you when she realizes that socks are actually really hard for knitting novices, or the kind that your mom buys you for Christmas every year even though you tell her that you don’t like scarves to a degree that other people would call “alienating.” The kind that consists of several layers of wool/cotton/other material. That kind.

Scarves were originally invented by the Ancient Romans (who also invented crucifixion and the papacy) and were used primarily by men as a facecloth to wipe away the dirt and grime that would collect on their faces because even though they invented concrete, they never thought to apply it to a road and instead walked around in sandals on dirt. Once scarves insidiously spread to women, they began to take on more of a fashion role, as the Romans lived in Italy, where a cold breeze is nonexistent. The fashion also began to emerge in Ancient China, where scarves were first made of silk. Here we can see that even from its inception, scarves were never meant to serve the purpose that we today abuse them for.

The simple fact of the matter is that the slight warmth that may be provided by a scarf is far outweighed by the many inconveniences of wearing a scarf, such as the constant need for readjustments or the dampness from your hot breath on the scarf. I haven’t even mentioned the notorious scarf-hairs, and I bet you’re already dreading the return of any weather below 50 degrees with a wind speed above mild.

They also fail to serve their allotted purpose. One possible use is to protect your neck from the cold; however, this is obviously a job for your coat. If fully zipping up your winter coat does not cover your neck, then you are not wearing a winter coat, but more likely a fleece jacket, or a heavy windbreaker, neither of which is suited for the cold weather. The second use is to protect your lower face, in which case it is clearly more efficient to simply tuck your face into your coat, which already (as we have established) covers your neck and thus is prepared to take on the further job of covering your face. You would be surprised at the admirable job a coat/hood will do in protecting your face from the wind and cold, and all without having to lug around a superfluous piece of clothing that is, for some reason, twice the length of your wingspan, and yet so easily lost.

All in all, the only thing that makes you think that scarves are worth the effort and struggle is the absurd narrative that the notorious Scarf Industry (aka Big Scarf) is trying to push in, making you feel insecure about your face warmth in an effort to drive up sales. No doubt their paid shills will bombard this fine publication with “letters to the editor,” following the scripts laid out by the lobbyists in D.C., arguing that this is “opinion” and “unreasonable” and that “you don’t understand fashion” and “do you really not have anything better to do,” but I hope the people of Eastern and the world at large will see past these petty instigators and respond to my call to action. Let this past scarf season be the last. Let the scarf rest in peace.

Having lived in both Kea and Guffin in back-to-back years, I can safely say that the two oldest dorms on campus were in desperate need of renovations. Now, more than a month into the still-ongoing renovations, I can safely say it still feels in need of renovation. Most people would be satisfied that their dorm had any sort of attention, but it seems as though almost special care has been put into making sure that, although everything is new, it seems almost exactly the same. Instead of addressing the problems that are the most striking, they have fixed problems no one has noticed. The ancient carpets in the dorm halls have been replaced with ancient-looking carpets. The beige walls have been repainted…beige. Various stairwells have been closed off to put in the new, almost identical flooring, making KG (almost) as difficult to get through as Doane was. The only dorms left on campus with key code entry have been replaced…with new key code entry doors. Guffin still needs a full-scale renovation, now being the only dorm on campus without air conditioning.

The Breezeway renovations are equally as puzzling, including a new temporary wall, smaller drinks in the Breezeway meal (but they can be refilled once for free) and the movement of the checkout island directly into the flow of traffic. In fairness, the actually interesting renovations in the Breezeway have yet to begin (which will include new TVs, tables and chairs), but the proposed plans have left KGvites wondering exactly how well the dimensions line up with reality, as the projected pictures do not exactly line up with how we see it now.

Reactions toward the Jammin’ Java renovations have been mixed. Some miss the cozy, intimate coffee shop feeling, while others are thrilled with the new furniture and openness. Some of that intimate feeling might also come back once the doors are replaced as planned, which should also keep more of the warm air inside. The same mixed reactions can be said of Walton Lounge, although the future there is considerably brighter, just like the lights in the new Jammin’ Java. While the new furniture is nice, we will have to see what the new floor looks like; we hope they don’t put down the same movie theater carpet there.

All in all, it has taken us all a little time to warm up to the “new” KG and JJ, but it is heartening to know that the administration has heard our concerns about the states of these buildings. While we may be disappointed with what has (or hasn’t) changed and the constant slight inconveniences have added up, it’s still refreshing to know that someone is listening, and this is definitely a step in the right direction, especially if all of the projections come true.

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