What Burns My Toast… Featuring Chad Seamon

1. Turning the toaster on level 9 when it should be on level 4. I mean, who hasn’t done this? You get back to your room after a long day of sitting through class and wasting time in the Jammin’ Java and decide that you are hungry. Why not make some toast? You put your toast in the toaster, and turn the knob to whatever number, because you really don’t care. Before you know it, your building’s fire alarm is going off and everyone hates you. And your toast is burnt. And a fellow student is standing outside awkwardly in a towel.

2. Using an iron as a toaster. Your roommate has just finished ironing his internship outfit (you still don’t have the guile to tell him that his zipper is down), and you want to make some toast. But of course, your toaster is still recovering from the night before – wild college life! While getting your toaster ready, you put two slices of multi-grain on the iron. Bad idea. Your precious bread burns. And get this: now there is yet another iron mark on your carpet and you get to pay the $200 fine at the end of the year.

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3. Making toast and putting it in the freezer to save it for later – and forgetting about it. You come back from Trader Joe’s with your chocolate ice cream (let’s face it – we all know that you are giving up on fasting during Lent). You open the freezer compartment of your mini-fridge and OH MY GOD, I FORGOT ABOUT THE TOAST! Your crispy delicacy has succumbed to FREEZER BURN. And on top of that, during this fiasco, you’ve missed the season finale of AMC’s The Walking Bread. Which main character will they kill off this time?

You place your toast in the same box as your hopes and dreams of graduating, finding a job, and paying off your student loans. Both burn together, slowly and agonizingly.


DISCLAIMER: Please note that toasters are prohibited in your dorm room. Only toaster ovens are allowed. If you need to talk to someone about the risk of your prohibited toaster or toast-burning experiences, please contact the Toaster Confession Hotline for advice at 1-800-MY-TOASTER



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